Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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