Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
