she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
