Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ketchup is God's man juice
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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