and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
