4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
