My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize