im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
