Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
