Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
