Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
honey bunches of taint.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
