Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
