I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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