ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
