coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
