Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
