Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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