Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
