Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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