really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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