Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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