i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
