My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
