Barsexuality is the new black.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
50% drunk capacity currently
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
