I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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