get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
