i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
