Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
