im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
