I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize