I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
