this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
