I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
