your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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