bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
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You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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