I want to have your abortion
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
