i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
