I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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