I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
