Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
