is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
