you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
