I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
