I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"