I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
