oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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