so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.