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Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
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