My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.