I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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