I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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