You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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