I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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