Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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