did you get engaged???
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
