No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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