i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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