I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
