And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
