Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
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It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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