Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
