if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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