My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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