So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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