you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
