But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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