Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
