i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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