it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
