I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
