I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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