my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
