i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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