i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it's great music for shaving your balls
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
