Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So squirting runs in the family.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
