I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
