I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
