dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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