I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
