I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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