got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
