fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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