Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
