READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
