my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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